‘Israeli’ officer’s suicide note reveals deep guilt

Tomas Adzgauskas, a former ‘Israeli’ reserve officer who died by suicide earlier this week in Ashdod, left behind a series of online posts that provide a stark window into the psychological turmoil he experienced after the events of October 7, 2023, and his subsequent deployment in Gaza.

In the days leading up to his death, Adzgauskas wrote openly about a mental decline he linked directly to the war, saying it had shattered his sense of self and left him unable to continue living.

“My life was ruined on October 7 — the date which ruined everything I had been,” he wrote in one of his final messages.

Read more: 'Israeli' reserve officer commits suicide amid psychological trauma from Gaza operations

Struggling with guilt and emotional collapse, he added:
“I can’t do it anymore; I’m all ruin and destruction… I did unforgivable things and can’t live with it any longer. No one understands me anyway.”

Adzgauskas also said he felt haunted by what he had experienced:
“There is a demon inside me that’s been haunting me since October 7.”

In a final plea, he asked to be remembered only as the soldier he was before the war consumed him:

“Please forget me and remember Tomas Adzgauskas, who was an officer who commanded snipers.
That Tomas was killed on October 7; I’m just some soul looking for its own peace.”

He wrote that for nearly two years he had been unable to live with himself:
“For two years I haven’t been able to live with myself.”

Official 'Israeli' figures released at the end of October revealed 279 suicide attempts among military personnel over an 18-month period, with 36 soldiers dying by suicide during the same timeframe. A recent army review linked most cases to the intense and traumatic conditions faced by troops deployed in Gaza.

Meanwhile, the humanitarian situation in Gaza remains dire. Although a ceasefire was implemented on October 10, 2023, 'Israel' has reportedly violated it repeatedly, resulting in hundreds of additional casualties. Access to essential supplies, including food and medicine, continues to be restricted for the territory’s 2.4 million residents, according to Gaza’s government media office.

Since October 2023, 'Israeli' attacks in Gaza have killed more than 70,000 Palestinians, mostly women and children, and injured nearly 171,000 others.